the condom got lost in my hair
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
