i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just cropdusted the office
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
