haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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