the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
