apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
