Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
