i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Someone signed my nipple.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
