I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
