even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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