so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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