We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
