he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
