I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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