nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
