I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
