I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize