And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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