Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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