oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
