I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bring me that man meat
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
