In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize