thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
