I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
