Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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