woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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