The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
