Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
