the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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