Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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