its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
