well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think people are normalizing furries
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
