He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
