my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
