I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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