Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
