is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
