): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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