I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
