my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
