i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
