She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
