You made me cry and you don't even care
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
