Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
