Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
