Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
