I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
