Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
