it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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