Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
