can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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