in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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