right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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