need another drink. this is the easiest way
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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