Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
