Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Randomize