I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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