areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
