Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
