There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
