Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We're too hungover to prance.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
