I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
