Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize