Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
