please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my shit smells like andre
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
