I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
