yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
