i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
