Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize