thus making me awesome and them whores
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
