Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
