if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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