Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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