Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
