I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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