If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
