Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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