What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
