Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
