don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
