I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
